What a Beautiful Mess
by Lieutenant Caine
Summary: Horatio is up to his eyebrows...M rating for minor language and adult situations.
1. Chapter 1

**What a Beautiful Mess**

**A/N It was never my intention to write any more song fics, but Athena enjoyed the Marc Anthony song so much that she begged to do one for this song as well. Once again I have capitulated to her wishes. The song is "What a Beautiful Mess" by Diamond Rio. **

_What a beautiful mess, what a beautiful mess I'm in._

_Thinking all the time 'bout you. Girl there's nothin' else I'd rather do._

_What a sweet addiction that I'm caught up in._

_And I can't get enough, can't stop the hunger for your love._

_What a beautiful mess, what a beautiful mess I'm in._

Horatio stared into the thick black coffee in his cup and rubbed his temples wearily. For what seemed the hundredth time that week, he'd spent a sleepless night, tossing and turning in the throes of dreams that haunted him, teased him and made him weary with fighting the desires he'd allowed to creep into his soul. Over the years Horatio had fallen deeply in love with his ballistics expert, but time and life had never allowed him to act on that feeling; had hindered him from expressing to her how he felt. Buried under his sterling work ethic and his relentless self control, the emotion simmered and smoldered until it refused to be ignored any longer. It flamed up at the most inopportune moments and he was hard pressed to keep the emotion from his eyes and voice. After a particularly embarassing incident wherein he completely lost his train of thought at the sight of the blond beauty, he decided to go to the one friend he knew he could trust absolutely. His hand trembled slightly as he pressed the speed dial on his phone. Frank answered on the second ring.

"Tripp."

"Francis, I need you to come to my office."

The use of his given name was Frank's signal that something was amiss with his friend.

"What's up, 'ratio?"

"I need to talk."

"Sure thing. Be there in a minute."

Worry lengthened Frank's strides and he took the stairs two at a time. Without knocking, he opened the door to Horatio's office and stepped inside. One look at his friend's face and Frank felt his worry meter shoot through the roof.

Horatio's face was drawn. His forehead was furrowed and deep lines of stress creased his face more than usual. His hair usually controlled to the point of submission, showed signs of having been raked through by hands clenched in distress. The stubble of a beard sat plainly on his chin and his eyes were bloodshot and bleary.

_Going out of my mind these days__  
__Like I'm walking round in a haze.__  
__I can't think straight, I can't concentrate__  
__And I need to shave.__I go to work and I look tired.__  
__The boss man said son you gonna get fired__  
__This ain't your style and behind my coffee cup__  
__I just smile._

"My god man, what the hell happened to you?"

"Calleigh," came the graveled response.

"Come again?" Frank said, startled at the simple, one word answer.

"Calleigh happened to me, Frank."

"Ah…okay. You wanna tell me about it?" Frank settled his bulk into the chair in front of Horatio's desk and got comfortable.

"That's why I called you, my friend." For a moment, Horatio rubbed the bridge of his nose and groaned from deep in his chest. "I'm miserable, Francis, well and truly miserable."

Frank snorted with gruff sympathy. "A blind man could see that, H. So tell me, how has Calleigh had anything to do with making you look like hell?"

"Door locked?" Horatio asked, lifting his eyes to verify that no one would interrupt them.

"Yep. It's locked. Now spill it. What's going on with you, Horatio?"

_This morning put salt in my coffee._  
_I'm losin' my mind._  
_I swear, it might be the death of me_  
_But I don't care._

_Is it your eyes, is it your smile?_  
_AI put my shoes on the wrong feet._  
_ll I know is that you're drivin' me wild._

"I can't get her out of my head, Frank. I don't know exactly when it happened, but I fell in love with Calleigh and it's been like a shard of glass in my soul ever since. I begin to think I've gotten over it, and then she aims that killer smile at me and it's all I can do to keep from jerking her into my arms and kissing her till she can't see straight. I love her Frank, but I can't do a damned thing about it…protocol…and damned department rules…no fraternization...God, Frank, I can't think of anything else. I have the most intimate and passionate dreams about her; dreams of holding her and kissing her and making love to her, and I wake up completely aroused and needing her so much it hurts. I can't beat this Frank, but I can't act on it either."

Frank sat there more than a little stunned at the total loss of pride Horatio was showing. Here he was admitting that he had needs like any normal man, admitting that he reacted to the physical beauty of a woman, admitting that he wanted the same things that other men did. It was an earth-shaking revelation. The delicacy of the situation softened Frank's usual terse nature and he thought carefully before answering his friend who was obviously in dire straights.

"Whew. That's a heavy load to carry, my friend. Does she have any idea how you feel 'bout her?"

"No, she doesn't," Horatio groaned and buried his face in his hands.

"Why not?" Frank said softly.

Horatio's head came up like a shot and he fixed his friend with an icy glare that would have been intimidating had he not looked so terrible from lack of sleep.

"Look at me, Frank. I'm a tired, old man. She's young and beautiful and could probably care less how I feel about her or anyone else."

"I don't think you're giving yourself or her a fair shot, Horatio," Frank retorted gently.

"No, Frank. She can't know. I have to fight this addiction alone."

"Look at me, Horatio," Frank said, allowing a harder tone to settle into his voice. He waited until he was sure his friend was locked into his gaze. "You better deal with this one way or another or it will get out of hand and cause both you and Calleigh untold misery. Either tell her how you feel about her, or do something to get it out of your system. It's eating you alive. How much longer do you think you can hide this from the team…from her? You're only a man. It's gonna beat you if you don't do something about it."

"But, Frank…" Horatio's eyes pled for understanding but found only flinty determination in Frank's gaze.

"Stuff it, Horatio. Make a decision. Let her go, or go after her…one or the other. But you can't keep wallowing in this misery; it's affecting everything about you and not for the better. I mean, did you actually look in a mirror this morning? You look like hell. And I'm sure I'm not the only one who has noticed or will."

"I've gotten into a mess, haven't I, Frank?"

"That's putting it mildly," Frank snorted.

Once more, Horatio pinched the bridge of his nose and then smiled wanly up at his friend. "A mess…a beautiful mess."

"If you say so, Horatio." Frank shook his head and stood to leave. Just before he stepped through the door, he looked back at his friend and saw a dreamy look on his face. _A mess indeed,_ he thought and closed the door behind him.

_What a beautiful mess, what a beautiful mess I'm in._

_Thinking all the time 'bout you. Girl there's nothin' else I'd rather do._

_What a sweet addiction that I'm caught up in._

_And I can't get enough, can't stop the hunger for your love._

_What a beautiful mess, what a beautiful mess I'm in._

**FIN**

**The response to this fic will determine if it goes any farther. At the moment, I am content to let it stand alone. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Sleep evaded Horatio that night like it had many nights before, teasing him with hints of slumber and then when his mind had almost succumbed, slipping away from him at the last moment, to be replaced by the vivid image of Calleigh's beautiful face. The ceiling stared down at him and mocked his inability to close his eyes and rest.

_You know Frank is right, _his mind whispered. _Make a choice, old man. Either go for it, or forget it. What do you have to lose now? You've already lost your heart to her. Might as well give her your soul and your pride too. If she rejects you, it can't hurt any more than it already does. _

Tossing and turning only served to prolong the agony of sleeplessness. Finally in an act of pure desperation, he rolled out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom, not even bothering to turn on the lights. Reaching into the medicine cabinet, he groped in the darkness until his fingers closed around the bottle that contained the pain medication left over from his gunshot wound during the Randy North case. He shook out three of the high powered narcotic pills and tossed them into his mouth, washing them down with a handful of water from the sink. Then he stood there in the dark, head bowed and heart aching.

"God, Calleigh, you've made a mess of me," he groaned aloud. "Look at me, I'm a wreck…can't sleep, can't think, and I'm taking drugs to sleep."

Staggering back to his bed, he fell across the covers, not caring whether his head actually landed on the pillow or not. He clenched his hands into the soft bedding and squeezed his eyes tightly closed. "Calleigh…Calleigh…" He whispered her name over and over in a daze.

Softly and gently the drugs did their work and the tension that gripped Horatio's splendid frame relaxed its terrible hold on him. His body settled heavily against the satin and down comfort, and his breathing slowed and became even. For the first time in weeks he slept, deeply and without dreams.

Morning came and with it a brilliant Miami sunrise and still Horatio slept. His body had been so long deprived of the basic restorative of sleep that it was reluctant to respond to the summons of his alarm clock. The time piece sounded its shrill call for several moments and then fell silent leaving the redhead still lying in the same position he'd been in for hours.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Calleigh checked her watch and frowned…9:30 and no sign of Horatio at all, and no one had heard from him either. After another half hour had crawled its way around the clock face, she went in search of Frank. Several minutes of searching found him downstairs and up to his eyebrows in a file from the vandalism case out by Dade University. The big detective looked up at the staccato click of Calleigh's stiletto heels on the smooth floor.

"Mornin' Cal. You look like a woman on a mission."

"I am, Frank. Have you seen Horatio today?"

"Not a hair of him, why?"

"Well, it's after 10:00 and no one has seen or heard from him. That's a little odd, isn't it?"

Alarm sent ice water shooting through Frank's veins and froze the breath in his chest. His mind's eye replayed the image of Horatio's haggard face and he cringed at the thought of all the possible reasons for the redhead not coming in to work and not calling anyone to let them know of his absence.

"Mighty strange, Cal. You up for a field trip?"

"Where are we going?"

"Horatio's condo. I have an idea he might still be there."

"Do tell." Calleigh settled her hands at her hips and gave Frank a no-nonsense stare.

"Let's go for that drive and we'll talk," Frank countered.

"Your car or the Hummer?" she shot back.

"Let's take the Hummer."

Frank hefted himself out of the chair and straightened his jacket before nodding at an obviously worried Calleigh.

"After you…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The drive across town to the gated community where Horatio lived seemed endless and Calleigh found herself nervously drumming her fingers on the steering wheel as they sat at a red light. Conversation was stilted and uncomfortable until at last, Calleigh lapsed into silence.

Frank watched her out of the corner of his eye, wondering just how much he could safely tell her without betraying Horatio's trust. He knew she was worried, and rightfully so, but he also knew that Horatio would never forgive him if he felt that sensitive information had been shared about him. On the heels of that thought came the suspicion that Horatio might not even appreciate Frank's allowing Calleigh to accompany him on the mission to determine his whereabouts and well-being.

When they pulled into the drive and the gate slowly slid open to allow them entrance, Calleigh eased the Hummer into place and then killed the engine. She turned and impaled Frank with a look.

"I don't know what's going on Frank Tripp, but I get the feeling you do. Now either you share with me, or I go digging."

"Damn, Cal. Why do ya have to make it so uncomfortable on me?" Frank grumbled.

"I'm waiting, Frank." Calleigh's expression dared the big man to bluff her any longer.

Consternation made Frank shift uneasily in his seat and he licked his lips nervously. He huffed once and hitched his holster into a more comfortable position at his hip.

"Frank…come on. It's me, Calleigh. What is so wrong that I can't know? I'm only his second in command. If there's something that has incapacitated him, then I need to know so I can make command decisions."

"Cal, you have no idea…" Frank blew out another breath and then carefully measured his next words.

"Horatio…ah…Horatio has been having some difficulty lately…"

"I gathered that much."

"Yeah…well…it's much closer to home than anyone realizes." Frank eyes tagged Calleigh's with a look of supplication.

_Please don't make me do this, Calleigh, _his eyes seemed to say.

The naked concern and worry that sat on Frank's face finally softened Calleigh's determination to force an explanation from him.

"Okay, Frank. I'll trust you, but don't expect me wait forever for an answer."

"Fair enough, Cal. Thanks for not forcing my hand. I'd hate to betray his confidence."

Calleigh nodded, wondering silently what confidence Horatio could share with Frank that he couldn't share with her.

With a sigh, Calleigh opened the door of the Hummer and stepped out. Frank followed suit and they walked together up the sidewalk toward the front door.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Repeated knocking by Frank was met with deafening silence and at length he reached in his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He opened it and withdrew a small manilla packet, tearing it open and shaking out a key. Inserting it into the lock he turned it and carefully opened the front door. Calleigh didn't even take time to think about the implications of Frank's having a key to Horatio's condo. She was too busy sweeping the area with her .45, her eyes darting here and there looking for signs of intruders or foul play. Nothing was disturbed, nothing out of place. The living area was immaculate as were the kitchen and dinning room. Everything was pristine, perfect, much like the owner.

"Bedroom?" Calleigh asked quietly, somehow reluctant to break the silence of Horatio's sanctuary.

"Good idea, Cal." Frank answered just as quietly.

Frank took point and made his way down the hall with Calleigh following close on his heels. A quick peek into the guest bathroom and Calleigh whispered, "clear" and continued behind the big detective. Two doors farther and they stood in front of the last door in the hall. It was slightly ajar. Brown eyes looked into green ones and both Frank and Calleigh exchanged a silent message. _He may be hurt in there… _Frank gripped his weapon tighter and then extended his left hand toward the door and slowly pushed it open. Darkness and silence greeted them. Careful steps took Frank across the darkened bedroom and he fumbled with the small lamp that stood on the table beside the bed. A quick flick of the switch and soft light bathed the room. The scene that greeted them jerked a gasp from Calleigh's mouth.

"Oh my god, Frank…is he…" she couldn't bring herself to finish the question. The thought of Horatio dead sent nausea curling into the pit of her stomach.

Horatio lay face down across the bed, clad in nothing more than the bottom of a pair of blue silk pajamas. He hadn't even tried to cover himself with the comfort, but was instead lying on top of it. Frank leaned over quickly and placed two thick fingers against the side of the redhead's neck. Relief surged through him when he felt a slow but steady beat pulsing beneath his touch. He looked up at Calleigh and nodded. "He's breathing, Cal."

"Thank god," she breathed out. To hide the sudden surge of emotion that washed over her, Calleigh turned and stepped into the master bathroom, flicking on the lights almost reflexively. Her intent was merely to put distance between herself and the disturbing sight of Horatio looking so vulnerable, but her intentions took a swift turn when she saw the door of the medicine cabinet standing open. CSI training and instinct prodded at her and she eased the mirrored door the rest of the way open. Fear spiked through her at the sight of the open bottle of pain meds standing precariously close to the edge of the second shelf. There was no telling how many Horatio had taken. Quickly, Calleigh called out to Frank.

"Hey, Frank, I think we may have a problem. I found an open bottle of prescription pain meds. I bet he accidentally overdosed himself."

"Roger that, Cal. You head to the kitchen and make a pot of coffee. Straight black. He'll need it and a heavy dose Tylenol. He's gonna have one hell of a headache when he wakes up."

"I'm on it."

Frank waited until Calleigh had left the room and then gently gripped the bare shoulder closest to him and shook Horatio slightly. "Horatio…Horatio, wake up."

No response.

"Horatio, come on man wake up. You gotta work with me here."

This time a groan clambered up from deep inside the sleeping man's chest, and he clenched one fist in the material under his hand, but then fell still and silent again.

Frank tried again to rouse the sleeping man and added a firm squeeze to the same bare shoulder he'd just shaken. Again receiving less than a reassuring response, Frank managed to turn Horatio over onto his back. The normally stalwart Lieutenant was limp as a wet rag, and his head lolled to the side. His hair was in rakish disarray and his face was covered with a thick growth of beard.

"Sorry, my friend," Frank muttered, making a quick decision, "hate to do this to you, but…"

He gave Horatio's face a quick slap and called his name sharply, "Horatio!"

"Uhhhhhgghhhh…." The sound coming from the redhead's lips was almost human but not quite.

Again Frank struck his friend, cringing at the stinging sensation beneath his palm as skin contacted skin.

This time, Horatio managed to force his eye open. He stared up at Frank blearily.

"It's about time, 'ratio," Frank growled, hiding his relief at seeing Horatio awake behind a gruffer than usual tone.

"Oh my head…" Horatio rasped out softly.

"Feelin' pretty rough, eh?" Frank asked.

"That my friend is an understatement."

Horatio struggled up into a sitting position and raked a hand through his hair, succeeding in making it look even more dissheveled.

"What…" he ran a tongue over dry lips before continuing, "What are you doing here, Frank?"

"Came to check on you. Kinda worried me a bit when you didn't show up for work and didn't call either."

The mention of work seemed to help clear the cobwebs from Horatio's brain and he blinked several times before turning to look at the clock. The look on his face would have been funny had the situation not been so serious.

"My god, Frank…did I really sleep until almost noon?"

"Yep, ya did. Wanna explain that?" Frank waited for Horatio to explain himself, hoping that the excuse didn't involve that open bottle of pain meds that Calleigh found in the medicine cabinet.

"I couldn't sleep last night, Frank. After staring at the ceiling forever, I decided that one of those pain pills from when I got shot would help me relax. "

"Just one?" Frank looked at him skeptically.

Horatio hung his head for a moment, reluctant to admit that he'd over dosed himself deliberately in his desperate attempt to sleep without dreams, then he lifted his eyes and met Frank's questioning gaze and sighed.

"If you must know, Frank, I took three."

"THREE!," Frank spluttered. "My god, man. It's a wonder you woke up. You could have stopped your heart with that much."

At that moment, Calleigh stepped into the room with a steaming cup of coffee in her hand. Her relief at seeing Horatio up and speaking was cut short when he caught sight of her standing in the doorway. His eyes went wide with shock and something else that registered for a fleeting moment and then was gone.

"Calleigh! What the hell are you doing here?"

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Silence roared into the space between Horatio and Calleigh, and for a moment that felt like an eternity no one said anything.

Finally Calleigh found her voice and spoke softly.

"What the hell am I doing here?"

The hand holding the coffee trembled with emotion.

"What the HELL am I doing here!"

Each succeeding word that passed her lips raised the volume level of Calleigh's voice, and Frank sensing an impending explosion, hurried to avert a catastrophe.

"Cal, just a minute…" he began, but Horatio waved him off with a hand and spoke hurriedly himself.

"Calleigh, Sweetheart…I…I didn't mean for that to sound the way it sounded…" Horatio tried to retract his words but Calleigh would have none of it.

"Then just what DID you mean for it to sound like?" Calleigh was almost yelling by now. "You don't show up for work. You don't call. I don't know but what you might be lying dead or maimed somewhere. I mean, you do know that you've got enemies in this city, Horatio. Any number of them could be out to get you. Frank gives me the run around when I ask him what's up with you. I come to do a welfare check on my boss, my mentor, my friend…" Here Calleigh's voice caught on a splinter of emotion and she choked back a sob, then stubbornly plowed ahead with her tirade. "…and all you can say is 'What the hell are you doing here?"

Frank shook his head and bit the inside of his jaw to keep from grinning. _Horatio, you've done it now,_ he thought.

"Ah, 'ratio, you remember that 'beautiful mess' you mentioned earlier?"

Horatio glared at his friend, clearly signaling him to shut his mouth, but Frank ignored the silent warning.

"I think ya just made it worse, my friend."

He reached over and patted Horatio on the shoulder. "I'll leave you to clean up the _mess_."

"Francis…" Horatio growled and swung his feet over the side of the bed. His intent was to stand, but the spinning of the room gave him pause and he stayed steated instead.

"If you need me, Cal, I'll be in the kitchen with the coffee pot." Frank patted Calleigh's shoulder affectionately as he scurried past her and out the door.

Calleigh said nothing, merely waited for Frank to disappear back down the hall and out of sight.

"So you came to check on me," Horatio grumbled, stretching carefully. He tried rolling his head from one side to the other and realized immediately the enormity of his mistake. Pain shot through his head and he groaned softly and squeezed his eyes shut. "Well here I am. Like what you see?"

"Tell me exactly what I'm seeing, Horatio" Calleigh challenged him.

Horatio raised bleary eyes to her and sighed. "Are you going to stand there holding that coffee till it's cold, or are you going to give it to me?" he growled.

"I've a good mind to throw it at you," Calleigh snapped. She took the few steps necessary to bring her closer to Horatio and handed the cup of coffee to him.

He took a cautious sip and swallowed, feeling the burn of the hot liquid as it traveled down his throat.

"Mmm. That's good coffee, Cal." He commented quietly.

"Thanks. I think…" Calleigh eyed him warily and then sat down on bed next to him. Her attitude softened enough for her to see that he was truly suffering. He looked as though he had aged 20 years over night. There were lines and creases on his face and around his eyes, and the eyes themselves were bloodshot and bleary.

"Horatio, what's wrong? What did Frank mean by a 'beautiful mess'? And why in the hell did you take so many pain pills last night?"

"Francis Tripp talks too much," Horatio answered and took another drink of coffee.

"Okay, Mister…you've got until you get to the bottom of that cup and then you're going to tell me what's wrong with you." The flinty tone was back in Calleigh's voice and Horatio almost gave her a chuckle.

"You're giving me that much time, huh? Then I'll drink slowly."

"Oooooohhh, Horatio Caine. You are insufferable sometimes."

"So I've been told, Sweetheart. Give me 20 minutes?"

"What for?"

"Well, if I'm going to be interrogated by my ballistics expert, I'd like to be at least properly shaved, showered and dressed." Horatio said with just a hint of a smile in his weary blue eyes.

"Okay, 20 minutes, but not a minute more."

"Yes, Ma'am," He said. "And Calleigh…thank you for coming to check on me," Horatio said softly. "I'll…I'll explain everything to you, just…give me time to get myself back together. Can you do that for me?"

"I'm waiting, Horatio," Calleigh said firmly. "I'm waiting."

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Calleigh watched as Horatio disappeared into the bathroom. Her heartbeat sounded thunderously loud in her own ears as she sat there on the edge of his bed idly running her fingers over the down comfort. Over the years she'd seen him deal with the unseen emotional aspect of their jobs; the anger at the perpetrators, grief and sorrow for the victims and their families, rage when someone managed to slip through the cracks of the system. Time and time again she'd seen him easily cope w ith the feelings, the regrets and fears and nothing had ever affected him like this. She ached for him, wishing she could somehow hold him close and ease whatever torment had driven him to such a rash action as overdosing himself into oblivion. Her thoughts spun this way and that and then snagged on a fragment of the conversation between Frank and herself while they were in the Hummer.

_Thanks for not forcing my hand. I'd hate to betray his confidence._

If Frank couldn't tell her because it was a confidence, then the conversation between the two men must have been about…

"Surely not…" she whispered to herself. "Is all this somehow connected to…me?"

"Yes Sweetheart, it is." Horatio's deep velvet voice answered her.

Calleigh was lost so deep in thought that she was completely unaware he had emerged from the bathroom until he spoke. His voice startled her and she let out a squeak and turned beet red at having been caught talking to an empty room.

"Oh my gosh, Horatio Caine, don't ever do that to me again. I could have sho…" the sentence ended abruptly as it dawned on her what he had just said.

A glimmer of amusement registered in the depths of Horatio's eyes at the look of absolute confusion that settled on Calleigh's face.

"You were saying?" he teased gently.

Dressed in clean clothes and freshly shaven he looked more like himself, yet the ravages of his torment were clear to see on his handsome face. It was obvious that sleep had eluded him for days, and he looked as though his lean frame was actually missing a few pounds.

"How…what do you mean?" Calleigh finally managed to splutter. "How am I responsible for all this?" She waved her hand in the air indicating the bathroom and the medicine cabinet and Horatio and the rumpled bed.

"Got a few minutes?" He stood there looking at her, head tilted to the side, hands on hips in his usual stance.

"For this, I've got all day, Horatio. And it needs to be good." Her feelings still stung from his unexpected outburst when he'd first seen her.

"Okay. How about short and to the point?"

"I can deal with that, just not all this."

Horatio nodded ruefully, "Yes, well…"

He sat down on the bed next to her and tentatively took her hand in his for the briefest of moments and then released it quickly as though that simple act was somehow forbidden to him. A sigh whispered from his lips and the muscles of his jaw worked convulsively once before he turned to face the beauty beside him.

"Calleigh I've been struggling with something that has become much bigger than I can handle on my own. It actually started several years ago, and at first it was a minor issue, bothering me only on occasion. But lately it's become a matter that dominates my waking hours and invades my sleep at night. I can't think straight, can't eat, can't sleep unless I drug myself…"

"…and I'm somehow connected to all your misery, Horatio?" Calleigh's voice was incredulous.

"Yes, Sweetheart you are. You see I…" his voice faltered and he dropped his head for a moment.

"Horatio, what is it? Please tell me, so I can help you. It tears my heart out to see you in so much pain. Let me help."

The soft, pleading tones of Calleigh's voice brought Horatio's head back up and he looked at her like a thirsty man looks at water.

_Oh god how I love you, Calleigh Duquesne, _he thought.

"Sweetheart, it's not a matter of your ability to help me. I've never doubted that. It's just that… Again his courage faltered and he lapsed into silence.

Frustration rippled through Calleigh's heart and she sighed. Sliding down to kneel on the floor in front of him in a pose of supplication, she took both of his hands in hers and looked up into his face.

"Horatio Caine, look at me. Me…Calleigh, your friend. I trust you with my life, Horatio. Surely nothing can be so serious that you can't trust me to understand."

"Sweetheart, I trust you with my own life more than anyone else on this team, you know that. But…"

"But what?" Impatience almost sharpened Calleigh's tone, but she bit it back, determined to give her Lieutenant all the time he needed to level with her.

"Can I…can I trust you with my…my _heart_?" The last word was merely a whisper.

**A/N First, a profound apology to all my readers for the extended silence from me. Athena rather went into shock with the canceling of the show and I had to wait on her to come back out of hiding. Two, I don't like this chapter one bit, but it was a start at getting the creative juices flowing again. Please don't judge it too harshly for the rust around the edges. **

**Speed, come on let's get going again. We've lost the show, but not the muses. Anxious to hear from you. **

**Lt. Caine**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Eternity hung suspended between Horatio and Calleigh in the profound silence that followed his almost inaudible question.

_Can I trust you with my heart?_

_Surely I heard him wrong,_ Calleigh thought when she was once again capable of mentally stringing two words together to form a sentence. "Horatio?" Astonishment was a mild term for the emotion that ran like wildfire through her veins.

For so many years she had harbored a secret that no one on the team had ever learned, one that she very seldom admitted to herself, and one she was sure she would carry to her grave given that the object of that secret seemed to pay her no mind when it came to time other than work. And yet here he was, asking her the very question she had asked herself about him. Somehow, she'd always known that the answer would be 'yes'. He would be, without doubt, no less intense a lover than he was a sworn servant of the people of Miami.

The silence thickened and left both Horatio and Calleigh grappling with their own private thoughts until at last, Horatio fearing the worst, shook his head and stood up with a groan. He stared at the carpet before starting toward the door.

"You don't have to answer that, Calleigh. I…I was out of line to ask it…I'm…sorry…" His voice held a tone of utter resignation, and it pierced through the shocked numbness that had gripped Calleigh's entire body. Two steps more and he would be out the door, and possibly out of her life.

Desperately, she reached out a shaking hand toward his back and managed to croak out, "Horatio…"

Her voice stopped him in his tracks and he and turned back to look at her, seeing a kaleidoscope of emotions on her beautiful face. Confusion, shock and desperation vied for dominance and for a moment even fear played over her features.

"Yes, Calleigh?" He stood rooted to the spot, staring at her, hardly daring to breathe and forcing himself to keep his racing heart under control.

"Please…don't…don't go…I…" her lips fell silent, but her expressive green eyes spoke more than words could ever say.

In a heartbeat he covered the few steps between them and grasped her by the shoulders, drawing her to her feet and looking down into her upturned face with a haunted, desperately hungry look in his own eyes.

"Talk to me, Calleigh." He rasped.

For a moment she closed her eyes and silently gathered her courage, then opened them again and looked him full in the face. She couldn't ever remember seeing his eyes so blue before and a tremulous smile curved her lips. His hair, while still fiery red, had tiny hints of silver throughout and it gave him a distinctly regal look. His lips were firm and inviting and Calleigh shivered slightly at the thought of those lips kissing her. She reached toward him and gently cupped her hand to his face. Her thumb stroked softly across his cheek and he flinched and caught his breath.

"Horatio Caine," she paused for a moment, making sure she had his full attention before continuing, "I love you…I been in love with you for a very long time, but I never knew how to…"

Whatever else she was going to say was lost in the sudden flurry of movement he made. His left hand hooked behind her head and grasped a handful of her golden hair, tugging it backward with painful intensity, while the other swiftly encircled her waist and roughly hauled her against his chest. One gasp of surprise was all she had time for before his mouth crashed down on hers.

Hunger too long denied stripped Horatio of his customary gentleness and he plundered her mouth, gorging himself on the sweetness he found just beyond her lips. Long and deep he kissed her until she pushed against him in a frantic attempt to draw air into her oxygen starved lungs. He tore his mouth from hers for a fraction of a second and drew back just far enough for her to drag in a breath and then he launched into her again. This time his mouth left hers to trail ragged kisses along her jaw line and down the seductive curve of her neck. All the while, Calleigh twisted and turned in his arms, desperate to mold herself even closer to his lean, muscled body.

"Horatio…" she managed to stammer out. Her ability to speak was rapidly dissolving beneath his touch.

"God, Calleigh," he muttered thickly, sucking at the soft skin just below her ear, "I've needed you for so long."

He continued his ravenous, loving assault on her body, pulling her head back even farther to expose the soft skin of her throat. His teeth nipped sharply, drawing a tiny whimper of pleasure from her lips. The sound goaded him beyond reason.

Need for permission escaped his thoughts and he simply acted on instinct. Here was the relief his body and mind had craved for so long and he intended to take it. Almost growling with the intensity of his hunger, Horatio scooped a very willing Calleigh into his arms and took three stumbling steps toward the bed.

TBC.

**A/N A terrible place to stop for now I know, but I was under time constraints this morning. My apologies to the readers. There will be more, I assure you. Poor H is too hungry to be satisfied with just this tiny little taste of heaven. And the next chapter will be very, very M rated. Readers beware.**

Lt. Caine


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N This chapter alone will place the entire story into the M rated category. 18 years and older only please. **

**Chapter 7**

At the edge of the bed, Horatio lowered Calleigh to the floor long enough to take her breath away with another scorching kiss before he began eagerly fumbling with the buttons of her blouse. The simple task eluded his passion-impaired abilities and he almost snarled with frustration. Muttering a terse "I'm sorry," he grasped the neckline of the garment and simply jerked downward, rending the material and ripping the buttons loose from their enclosures. He loosened the ruined garment from her arms and tossed it to the floor. For a heartbeat he was dumbstruck at the beauty revealed to him. Calleigh wore a soft pink bra made entirely of lace, revealing much more than it concealed and barely supporting her full, luscious breasts.

"You are so very beautiful, Calleigh," Horatio groaned and settled his hands at her waist.

He bent his head and began feeding on her soft sweet skin, kissing and mouthing over every inch he could touch. When he came to the lacy edge of her bra he nuzzled it aside for a moment before his hands went around her back and worked at the clasp of the flimsy garment. It would have suffered the same fate as her blouse but it submitted to his questing fingers and fell open after only two tries. Quickly he slid it from her shoulders and it too fell to the floor.

Eyes glittering with need, Horatio kissed and licked and mouthed his way downward until he reached his goal and took a pebble hard nipple into his mouth. He laved it with his tongue and sucked greedily, sending shockwaves of pleasure dancing through Calleigh's body.

"Oh, god yes, Horatio," she moaned and arched her back, offering more of herself to him.

"You taste so good," he choked out before moving his attention to the other breast and repeating his sensual explorations.

His mouth then moved lower, dropping open mouthed kisses across the smooth, taut planes of her stomach until he reached the waistband of her jeans. This time the obstacle challenging him required more than a show of strength and he was forced to focus his thoughts and actually manipulate the button from the material. At last he succeeded and he slid his hand below the band of the denim jeans and into the rapidly growing heat and moisture between her legs. The proof of her answering need coated his hand and he trembled, barely maintaining control.

"The jeans come off, Calleigh," he growled, struggling to force the stiff material downward over her hips.

Calleigh covered his hands with hers and slowed him momentarily. "Let me…" she said softly. "It will be faster…"

Stepping back away from him, she shoved her jeans down over her hips and then sat down on the bed to slide them from her legs. Horatio took the momentary lull in his ravishing of her body to quickly discard his own clothing. His shirt, pants and underclothes joined Calleigh's in a soft heap beside the bed.

Calleigh lay back against the soft comfort and smiled up at him, beckoning him with her body. He needed no second invitation.

He clambered up onto the bed and crawled above her, stretching his body over hers and pressing his rock hard manhood against her stomach. The feel of her soft warm body beneath him ripped a moan from his throat and he closed his eyes against the need screaming through his veins. He kissed her deeply and rocked his hips against hers, reveling in the sensation of skin against skin.

"Calleigh…Calleigh," her name was the only coherent word he could force past his lips.

He mouthed his way over her shoulders and down toward her breasts again, feasting this time on first one and then the other, until Calleigh was writhing beneath him, whimpering in pleasure. The sounds drove him further beyond his usual self control and he captured her wrists and pinned her hands above her head.

"I need you now," he choked out, repositioning his body so that he lay cradled between her thighs.

"Yes, Horatio, now," she cried out.

One swift stroke and he was buried deep inside her. So starved was he for her that he almost climaxed at that one thrust. The feeling of silken heat trapping his engorged length stole his breath and he hid his face against her neck, fighting for some shred of control.

"Let go, Horatio," Calleigh whispered, and deliberately rocked her hips upward against him, taking him even deeper into her tight, hot depths.

That simple act broke him and he clenched his teeth and began stroking roughly into her, driving deep and hard, his mind lost to all but the need to satisfy the wracking hunger of his body. Pleasure built to an excruciating level that almost approached pain, and Horatio felt tears slip from beneath his tightly closed eyes. Tension coiled deep in his midsection and then exploded, sending shooting stars across his vision and a hurricane of sensation raging through his body. He trembled and shook, overwhelmed by the violence of his release. Vaguely, as though from some far off place, he heard Calleigh's keening wail, and realized that she too had climaxed with him.

Silence descended. They lay there tangled together, physically wrung out from the intensity of the encounter. Calleigh's body cradled Horatio's still form where it had relaxed after his release. Finally he stirred and lifted his head from her shoulder to look down at her.

"Hello, Handsome," she said, kissing him gently.

"Hello," he answered shyly.

"Feel better now?"

He chuckled. "That is…an understatement, Sweetheart."

**A/N Now comes the sweet pillow talk and declarations of love. I know he is not the kind of man to have sex just for the physical pleasure, but in this case, he was starving. He "ate" first and will "thank" the cook in the next chapter. First things first, you know (wink). **

**Lt. Caine**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Several long seconds passed by with Horatio simply gazing down into Calleigh's face. It was true that he felt better than he'd felt in ages, but it was also true that he'd completely lost control. A razor sharp sliver of guilt burst the bubble of euphoria surrounding him and he closed his eyes at the thought that he had done something Calleigh might not have really wanted. He tried to frame the words of an apology, but the sound died in his throat. At last he sighed, rolled clear of her and sat up on the edge of the bed, his back turned toward her. He raked one hand through his hair, setting it into rakish disarray, and then slowly turned to look back over his shoulder at the beautiful blonde lying in his bed.

"What is it Horatio?" Calleigh questioned softly. She could see the growing look of regret in his eyes and it cut her to the soul.

"Calleigh, I…I lost control. I lost control." His voice was haunted.

"Horatio, when a starving man sees food, he's not really all that concerned with table manners." The soothing tones of her voice calmed the doubts that careened through his mind.

Color sprang into Horatio's face. He shook his head ruefully and a wry smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

"That was quite a feeding frenzy, wasn't it, Sweetheart?"

"You don't hear me complaining at all, Handsome." Calleigh smiled up at him reassuring him with the love shining out of her eyes. "Now, come back here to me and tell me about this "mess" Frank keeps spouting about. What does he mean?"

"Francis Tripp MEANS very well, but sometimes he just doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut," Horatio growled as he lay back down beside Calleigh and snuggled her against his chest. "I'm going to have to talk to him when we get to work in the morning."

"Oh, do tell." The sassy tone of her voice earned Calleigh a swift, light swat on the thigh.

"You, my lovely bulletgirl are the source of the beautiful mess I've made of things for the last few weeks. Did you know that I've lost almost 10 pounds just because I couldn't eat? I lost the desire to eat at all. I couldn't sleep, couldn't think straight. I've even lost track of where I was at a scene because I couldn't keep my mind off of you."

Calleigh giggled. "You certainly made up for not eating, didn't you?"

"Beautiful little smartass," Horatio growled, nipping at her bare shoulder, while his hand caressed along her waist. "That's not what I meant…"

"Oh, really?" Calleigh flirted shamelessly.

"Calleigh..." Horatio warned softly before flipping her over onto her back again and pinning her hands above her head.

"Dessert so soon after breakfast?" Calleigh ran the tip of her tongue over her glistening lips, knowing it would push Horatio past his already weakened limits.

Horatio launched into her with a blistering kiss and all talk of messes, beautiful or otherwise, was forgotten.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Frank opened the front door of his apartment and slung his jacket on the coat tree with little regard for the haphazard way it landed. He whistled a happy little tune and sauntered to the kitchen where he took down a tumbler from the cabinet and a bottle of whiskey. Carrying the glass and the liquor to the living room, he sank down into his favorite chair, propped his feet up and kicked off his shoes. He fished the remote out from the chair cushions and turned on the TV, then he poured himself a drink and raised it in the direction of Horatio's condo across town.

"Here's to beautiful messes," he said to the empty room. "Couldn't have happened to two better people."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next morning, Calleigh padded quietly to the kitchen intending to make a pot of coffee before she and Horatio left for work. He was still sleeping and she wanted to give him as much time as possible to make up for the sleep neither of them got the night before. She reached for the coffee pot to fill it with fresh water and her sleepy eyes caught sight of the note propped up against the side of the automatic coffee maker. Opening the note, she read…

_Horatio, Cal_

_I heard ya'll talking and figured you'd be just fine without me hanging around. Would have left you some coffee but I guess it would have been cold by the time you got around to it. Hope you got that mess cleaned up._

_Frank _

"Dear, dear, Frank Tripp," Calleigh murmured, blushing. "Beautiful mess indeed."

FIN


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